French joke for Gwen

[Richy]

Four people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.

It all goes dark when the train enters a tunnel. all of a sudden there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.

The old lady thinks, "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him"

The pretty young blonde thinks, " I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him"

The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me"

The Englishman thinks, "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that French twat again ;D ;D ;D

[Richy]

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs.
The son is just a head!
But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.

After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink.
Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy.
With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into whoops of joy.
The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink!"

The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip! Plop!!
Two arms pop out.

The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again.
The patrons chant, "Take another drink! Take another drink!!" The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses, shaking his head" clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.

By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.
Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.

The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,
"He should've quit while he was a head!"

[Richy]

Each day a college professor starts his class off with a dirty joke, usually derogatory towards women.
One day all the women in the class decide that the next time he does it, they’re just going to get up and leave the class, in protest, without saying anything.
A male student overhears them planning this, and notifies the teacher.

The professor opens the next class with, “Did you hear about the shortage of whores in Russia?”
And sure enough all the females get up and hurry to the door to leave.
The professor shouts, “Wait! The boat doesn’t leave ‘till Monday